" Trust in the Lord God with all your heart do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do and HE WILL SHOW YOU WHICH PATH TO TAKE." proverbs 3:5-6
Today I feel different and I know that can be contributed to several events in part, but on the whole I feel like it is finally starting to sink in me that so much I consider important is really dust in the wind. That I won't take away anything in this world, that what I am working for at my job won't matter in eternity, what will is the state of my heart and hearts of people around me, lost or saved, seekers or doubters. In pure honesty I'm not doing well on that front, I struggle daily with my own priorities, my relationship with Christ and truly serving and loving others for the sake of love and not for my own benefit.
I've thought about it in passing whether a passing conversation, or couple of days what be it.. about selling all my possessions and just going, just being open to going and laboring for the Lord wherever that might be. For a little more than a week now I can't get out of my mind going overseas to do missions, specifically the world race. The World race is through adventures in Missions and is a missions trip for 11 months in 11 different countries. You go in smaller groups, and really get a chance to get to know the people you serve and serve with and build relationships and share the gospel not just through preaching of the word, but through living life with them. For whoever has known me for a while, you'll know that I love and adventure, I love to go and do and I am okay with moving. It wasn't always like this. I was forced to move around throughout my youth, because of my dad's ever changing job opportunities and i hated it, but I look back now and see that all of my moving was just in preparation for something greater in the future. Both Autumn and I are now able to adapt, make friends and be happy in whatever new environment we are put in, in fact we love it, and can get antsy being in one place for too long. ALl that to say that this specific missions seems to line up with what I am hoping for in getting started serving out of my comforts. It seems like it would be the perfect opportunity to work with so many different people and organizations who love the Lord and just want to carry out his commission. I know it will be an experience that will change my life profoundly, it would be impossible for me to come back the same, and I know somewhere along the way I'll be shown where I am suppose to go in the future, or what i am being called to do, and that's so exciting. I feel like this is what the Lord is calling me too, but I don't want to be hasty and just jump into doing something because I want to, I really want it to be confirmed by the Lord. Nicole emailed me some encouragement this week, that sometimes the Lord gives us fruit loops and corn pops to choose from and both are good and fine with him, we just have to choose. I know there are soo many good things here in Portland, and ways the Lord will use me, but I also know he will use me traveling the world to serve as well. I wanted to start keeping this blog now so that i wouldn't forget what I was thinking or where my heart was at the very beginning so that I can be reminded and you can see how God is moving in my life and in the lives of so many others and how he is changing the world through one small broken sinful person at a time. I am so encouraged and thankful for the blogging of www.loveforthesakeoflove.com. My heart jumps and I know it's the holy spirit dancing in my soul when I read about all Erin, Andrew, and Ben are doing for the sake of Christ in Africa. It was the same with Jon and jer and Whitney, with Lena and is true when I read Tyler Thompson's blogs from the World race. I want to do big things that can only be possible when God shows up. i am tired of being overly comfortable all the time. I want to be in a state of complete dependence on him and still give him the praise and glory when I feel there is no hope and can do nothing on my own.
Lena and Autumn and I talked today about how our faith as Americans is so shallow compared to those in countries like asia, africa and the middle east, etc. that are persecuted for their faith. A lot of believers in these foreign countries become Christians knowing their friends and family will reject them, knowing it could lead to the death, and will definitely lead to persecution and rejection and yet they still call him into their hearts and worship and adore him. How shallow am I that I hold back from speaking of Christ at work for fear of rejection. I feel like my faith is nothing. it is so easy for me to just say well I got myself this job and I can make good money on my own, and pay my rent and sustain myself physically, and i'm clothed, and my family isn't rejecting my faith. When do I do the hard thing? When do i let go of my own fears and doubts and give him control of my conversations, my actions and my everything? I am so lucky to be in a country where I have the freedom to believe in whatever i want to, and I choose the one true God. But what good is that freedom if I hide my faith and only reveal it when it is easy, like around other believers. Lord, forgive me for being so selfish, help me to relinquish control. Living life all out for you doesn't have to start when i am in a foreign country out of my element. Put me out of my element here God, force me to look to you only for answers and direction. There are so many people here wandering, just seeking for something. They are seeking for something that will satisfy and sustain them, that will bring them joy and peace. You are all of those things God, and they just don't know it, and I part of the reason they don't know it, I want to be part of revealing you to others, not hiding you from them.
So here are some things I am praying about now.
1.) If the World Race is where the Lord wants me in a few or several months or longer and for confirmation multiple times of that.
2. ) That he would start working on my heart and giving me a heart that is open and ready to be filled with his love and transforming me more to his character so that I can love on the people around me and have a light heart wherever I end up going.
3.) That I would be disciplined in his word, and fasting. I am embarrassed to admit this, but I would love any reading to hold me accountable or maybe be encouraged that i too do not have everything together.. but i don't even know where certain books in the bible are, and I have not read the bible in it's entirety. WOW! and this is the book God left me as instructions and to know him and be encouraged through. What am I doing with my time? So please be praying for me as i venture to read the entire Bible and really write it's encouragements on my heart, that I might be transformed into the person he designed me to be.
4.) That daily I would let go of earthly possessions and desires, realizing they are only of earth and can go no further. Relationships are of the utmost importance. My relationship with the Lord, with other believers and with anyone i come in contact with that they might see Jesus in me.
5.) That I would believe God is who he says he is and not just parts of the bible, but all of it. Lena and I talked about this today, bc it was part of the sermon at imago dei. That if we claim to follow Christ and we believe parts of the bible we are not fully believing and even neglecting whole pieces of Gods word, and character.
6.) That I would have a heart open to whatever the Lord has for me, whether that is singleness or to be in a relationship and married in the future. Right now I am enjoying this season of singleness and feel like there is so much the Lord is calling me to in singleness. Pray that I utilize my time in singleness and that I focus on him and him alone.
Lord, I pray you would be over my heart. I pray you would break my heart for what your heart breaks for. I pray you would take away my pre conceived notions about missions and just build me up to be someone who is ready to move for your purposes and not my own. I pray you would be with those who have gone before me, and are going before me still in missions. That whoever is for you would be bearing fruit, that you would safe guard them with your angels, and you would give them hope and trust abounding. I pray you would give me confirmation about the World race, that you would go before the finances, the team I would be on and the countries that i would go to. i give it all to you. I just want to be along for the ride Lord. Thank you for where you have me right now in this moment. Thank you thank youthank you for all my lovely friends, and family. I pray they would all come to know you as Lord and savior. Thank you that I am always provided for and that your angels are watching over us. Thank you for helping my possessions to sell quickly, for my bills to be taken care o, and my budget to be guided and funded by you alone. I love you Lord, I love you decisions and your guidance, because I have tunnel vision and i can't see what you can see. Again, your ways are mysterious, as I learned today with lena, and I just get frustrated or a head ache and sad trying to comprehend all of them.
I'm fading fast getting sleepy now, so I'm going to end for her now, please pray. I can't wait to keep updating this with how God is moving. Love ya'll.
Rae
p.s i am reading through psalms now if you want to join as well as jumping around John, but I m going to start at the beginning and then move onto Philipians and Acts. Lets take God for his word and believe he can do all he says he can do.
(Philippians 4: 6) " Don't worry about anything, instead pray about everything. Tell God what you need and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will GUARD your hearts and minds as you live in Christ jesus."
Also reading Passion and Purity by elisabeth elliot, and Forgotten God by Francis Chan. They are both changing my mindsets and making me really contemplate how I respond to God or what he says he is about it. DO i really want him? yes yes i do.
(John 16:33) " I am telling you these things so that in me you may have peace. Here on earth there will be trials and troubles , but take heart, I have overcome this world.
